Only on a Monday

Today is one of those days. A day so crazy that Illusia has to take a back seat for another special girl in my life, one who is furrier and (believe it or not) a lot more trouble...

Why is today an awful, bad, no good day you ask? First it is a Monday...and also we now have no hot water and I watched my dog almost get hit by a car 4 times.

To explain... it all started around noon on a rainy, dreary Monday. That's when our gas, which was never suppose to be shut off was and out came a... gas-turner-on-man (? Stay with me here, my articulateness has left the building) showed up and spent about 5 minutes finding our very old, under the house furnace and declared it was too dirty to light. Which, okaaay sorry to make you do you job dude. (Okay, I am being mean --- I would not want to blow up either, but ehh this it not even our fault and now we are without gas because some guy does not want to get dirty.) Anyway, he said it was out landlords problem to clean it and he would have to light it (I am not sure if that means our gas is turned back off again or on and not lit and if so does that mean I need to be checking for fumes?)  then left, I made cookies (electric oven, yay!) and let the dog out.

12 minutes later I went to let her back in and discovered the guy had left the gate wide open (after we told him we had a dog) and &%^%! went through my mind as I saw my old, cranky, half blind, arthritic 12 year old dog manged to hobble away and disappear. But I did not panic. I cursed, I kicked things, I secretly wished the gas man had a flat tire on the way home but I did not panic, I carefully got a leash, a stroller and a barefoot 17 month old and hightailed it to the street. I called her name (Chaos), whistled, made other annoying sounds and Illusia helped with 'bye-bye doggie' and we scoured the neighborhood, we came home and checked for her and went out again...

2 hours later and no dog and I was ready to give up and put Illusia to bed and wait to see if Chaos came home and then I saw her across the (very busy) street a block from our house. Of course as soon as she heard me she came running into my arms ran the other frickin' direction! It is harder than you think to keep a sweet, peppy voice when you want to strangle someone's furry neck, but I tried and honestly I did not have enough energy left to strangle anyone. I promised her more walks, dog treats, sleep, ear rubs, anything if she would just. stop. running.

Sweet baby Chaos...oh those were the days.

Of course, to spite me she decided to turn around and run past me into the middle of incoming traffic. Did I mention her name was Chaos? It sounded cute when she was an adorable, round puppy (see above)... Anyway picture an old black and white husky mix standing in the middle of traffic as car after car almost hits her and a out of breath (and out of shape) mommy with a stroller is standing on the sidewalk panting, screaming and crying and calling said dog as the dog ignores her and that was pretty much the scene.

The whole time I am standing there, feeling helpless. I can't go out into the middle of traffic with a toddler to get her, I can only watch as she gets almost hit again and again and it was really making me a bit hysterical... Finally, after the 4th car came to a screeching halt and she looked back to me, back to the street, then back at me again with something akin to 'Okay, I guess you are better than death' and walked over. Yay, she really loves me more than getting flattened by a car. Being the big softy I am I threw my arms around her and kissed her and then cried some more.

Modern day Chaos. Can you not just see the evil I'm-gonna-escape-the-yard-then-run-into-traffic-and-give-you-a-heart-attack brewing in her mind?

Of course, being the magnet for crazy people that I am someone that has saw the whole thing came over and asked if she could pet Chaos, like you know I was out there with my dog in traffic for fun, just to get my heart beat up over 125 beats per minute. Who goes up to a hysterical, crying dog-hugging person with a stroller and asks that, who?!? So anyway we made it home and Chaos crashed on the couch, Illusia crashed on her bed and I thought about how now I am hot, sweaty and have no hot water to take a shower and want to crash but am to hyped up.

It was a Monday so it makes sense. In the words of Garfield; 

Wild Weekend

Ugh, it has been so hard to get back into the swing of regular updating, even when I want to. I was excited about sharing our adventures last weekend, but every-time I started to make a post, I felt like there was nothing to say. I think it has a lot to do with STRESS. Mostly over the fact that next month our 6 month lease is up and though we have managed to pay every month and are not behind it was not always on time and there is a chance the landlord might want to find a 'better' tenant.  Add to that the fact Illusia is just starting to teethe in her canines and is so cranky I basically cannot say or do anything without her exploding in tears and screams...so much stress!

I did not get much sleep last night, so this might come across nonsensical but I want to share something not so gloomy: Last Sunday we had some definite fauna fun. It was an 105 degree high and normally I would elect to stay home and not go anywhere. But summer is fleeting and everyone was sick of being cooped up by the weather... so we battled the heat and went to the Hutchinson Zoo on Sunday morning. Even though we got there at 10:30 am, it was already 94 degrees, by the time we left, 45 minutes later it was already 100!

 
Still manged to enjoy ourselves a bit, mostly in the shade. It was a quaint little place with only a few animals and most of them were in their caves/houses trying to stay cool (and why was I not again..?) I liked the fact that the zoo had a strong rehabilition program and a lot of their animals young may leave the zoo and some of the animals in the zoo actually came from those that were not able to be returned to the wild (and not captive breeding programs, at least according to their website.

As a huge animal lover, I still have mixed feelings on zoos though. Some things I noticed that I wish they would improve on is the size of some of the animals exbibits and the fact that some jerk had thrown trash into the deer's water and it was all green and slimy. Which made me feel very sad for the majestic, obviously very friendly deer

We took a lot of breaks and Illusia enjoyed a home-made-water-bottle sprinkler, she really loved to get cooled off and play around! We took one last break in the grass to have a snack and take some photos. Speaking of photos, my camera got overheated and it really effected the quality of a lot of the photos. Some were dark, grainy and blotchy, mostly the ones I had Grandma A. take of me and Illusia, which proves I never should have my picture taken as I will break the camera!

A Weeks Worth

It has been a whole week since my last post. I have not been feeling well (that's right all week. Yay me.) and have had internet issues to boot! In between those two setbacks I have been working on my blog awards post in draft. It was a lot more work than it seemed like it would be (at least being sick and battling my on and off internet)

Try to get that posted in the next couple days. For now here is a cute picture to tide you over. Went to the library yesterday to return books and Illusia ran around the place (trying to pull all the books off the shelf of course) and tired herself out so much that by the time we hit the park next door she was exhausted and kept falling asleep. 

But here is one picture that turned out :)

Hope that I feel better and can update soon-ish

Blog Crush X's 5

Wow, this last week has been so hot and miserable. It was 100 degrees most of today and still in the 90's at evening time! We have been going nowhere lately because the last time we ventured out Illusia was acting really over-heated and upset even with my best attempts at keeping her cool. Myself, I have felt stir-crazy and really depressed lately being cooped up. I (and this might sound silly) have also been really stressed out that I do not have many pictures of her this month, I like to have at least a few different occasions to commemorate her growing and I feel our recent lack of outings have been leaving a hole in my memory trail. Which adds to me feeling more like crap. Like I said, silly!

I hate the empty ache of depression. The loneliness and gloominess of it, the general constant tiredness and pessimism. It is something I deal with quite regularly but it also dissipates every once in a while only to come back with  a vengeance, As if to remind me 'No, you are not normal! Your life is a mess and hey just look at all these other people being happy like you are..so totally not! NANANANA!' Yes, my inner depressed voice sounds like a middle school valley girl, really.

Anyway enough of my whining... with no pictures I decided to do something a little different today by paying homage to just a few of the blogs I know, love and read. I stole this idea from Marvelous Kiddo, so mucho thanks to that blog! My theft is feeling pretty darn good right about now.

Drum Roll....

5 random--- okay slightly alphabetical, blog crushes:

Alabaster Cow

Aside from the awesome tag-line, it is always such a fun visit when I go to this blog. I can always count on Ericka's sense of humor and sarcasm to make me forget the pains of life and remember to smile because even if it isn't all one big joke, you can make it one!

* Favorite Post: dear extended family (except you uncle ted, you’re just creepy)
It made me laugh so hard I almost woke my daughter! Luckily I didn't, or I might be suing.

Breastfeeding Moms Unite

As you could guess most of the posts revolve around breastfeeding. It is a very good, supportive place to go when you start to feel like a isolated breastfeeding mom in a formula feeding world. I really find it exhilarating to read about the struggles and triumphs of modern breastfeeding women.

*Favorite Post: Actually has nothing to do with breastfeeding and is actually a series of posts called Vegetarian Foodie Fridays. I am a vegetarian and love seeing new recipes!! An example of one I want to try by Melodie is Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad, yum!

Hobo Mama

A wonderful blog focusing on gentle, natural parenting. Everything is always well researched, articulate and informative. A definite resource for all parents looking for advice and insight into raising a happy child outside of society's depictions of 'normal'.

* Favorite Post: Assuming the best intentions
This is a true, observational gem from Lauren on how us (silly) adults often ascribe false motives to very young children. Creating issues and stress for both us and the child where we could avoid them.

Love Imagine Create

First the name rocks. Second, Holly Renee's posts are always so real, deep and introspective. They manage to tackle squeamish personal issues gracefully and never sound gritty or pretentious. I always leave this blog asking myself meaningful questions and daydreaming.

* Favorite Post: The Humblebird post fills me with delight. It made my heart a little warmer, seeming so silly, innocent and imaginative like something a child would do. And I mean that as the highest compliment! Children have some of the brightest, most expressive minds in the world.

One Starry Night

I have not been following this amazing blog for long, but I have become quickly smitten with it. I admit the first things that drew me here were the gorgeous layout and the amazing pictures. If you go a bit deeper though, underneath the beauty it boasts are some truly outstanding posts by Sarah that are full of emotion and splendor.

Favorite Post:

 Who Am I? is so deep and heart-wrenching that it makes you want to do something but you are not sure what. I think the post title is a question most of us ask ourselves at one point or another in our lives. Now add to that a lot of confusing and traumatic moments and it is far too easy to see how one can become lost.

***

Okay, I have stated my crushes, Now who is going to ask me to prom???

Maximum Overdrive II

Haven't been around the blogging world for a few days now.... Either writing or reading, I hope to change that soon and was going to make a post on Wednesday as I planned to go somewhere with Illusia but I ended up getting hurt trying to install a new video card in an old computer and spent the rest of the day laying down.

Now, I was smart enough to unplug everything to install it but when I did and it still did not work I thought I might just jiggle it a little bit to see if the connection was loose and BAM cut my finger on the fan blade and zapped myself on something next to it. Apparently it was idiot proof! I went into the bathroom to clean up my finger and suddenly felt dizzy and apparently passed out on the bathroom floor and hit my head, which is where I woke up, face down on the bathroom floor.

I am still not sure if I passed out from seeing the blood (as I have seen much more without much thought, I am a clumsy mess and always injuring myself) or if it had more to do with the electricity that coursed through me. Either way....my head hurt and I felt tingly and woozy all day. The worst part of it all is that I still did not get the darn computer to work! I feel like I am a huge moron for doing something so totally off-the-wall stupid like sticking my finger inside a running computer (so why am I posting this again?) and also ashamed for loosing a fight with a giant hunk of metal that no longer even works.

I hope tomorrow is better. I know I am taking the computer apart and selling it for parts, that'll show it! Just to make it legal here is a cute image of Illusia from the 3rd. Getting SO big and yeah also tinted pink.

Company Hates Misery

I cannot stand to watch my baby suffer, it just sucks so much and yesterday evening, all night long and this morning was so Hellish for her and everyone around her! (me and her Grandma A.) She not only is teething 6 teeth but also came down with Hand, foot, and mouth disease at the same time! The world has a cruel irony for such a little girl! ;(

She had a slight fever I attributed to teething (she had a little one last time with no other symptoms) and I attributed the fussiness and pain to all those teeth popping through until around yesterday afternoon when I just knew something was off. I just felt that this was not her normal behavior. She barely ever really cries truthfully. She does whine a lot at times, but crying only happens when she is extremely tired or hurt. When she is in pain she usually just wants held, nursed more often and is extra clingy and grumpy... Last night she was almost screaming in pain from around 11pm to 3am straight. Nothing other than walking the floors would comfort her. Needless to say, my feet really hurt.

I kept going back to the fact that I am a first time mom, I don't know what teething is like. I hear all these horrible stories and I think well, maybe it is just her teeth and this amount of pain and fussiness is normal. But something in my gut told me this was NOT a normal reaction for her, it must be more than that. So this morning we took her to the ER and they found the characteristic white ringed blisters all over her throat, under her tongue and she also had one between her little toes. I feel so guilty for waiting and not taking her yesterday when I knew something was wrong, when she would barely drink, not touch even Popsicles and cold yogurt, when she tried to nurse but found it too painful.

I feel horrible that all that suffering was because I didn't discover the truth soon enough or not act fast enough when I started suspecting something was wrong. Her fever broke yesterday so that means she already had it 2-3 days beforehand and I did not ever know....I realise her 6 teeth played a part in masking the symptoms but as the doctor went to go write out the perscription I broke down, I just started crying thinking about how much pain she must have been in and how stupid I was for not rushing her in yesterday. I feel I failed an important test in mommyhood.

My only small comfort is that the medicine worked fast and well and after taking it (and letting it set into her owies) she ate two cups of yogurt, some cereal and drank some juice and is taking a long, peaceful nap. She will have this up to a week so it will be a long one.

Heartbreaking face, directly before medicine. I was actually NOT attempting to capture her misery, I was trying to get a good pic of her cute shirt which says 'peace begins with a smile.'

20 minutes after medicine and still sleeping soundly 2.5 hours later!

P.S.
The shaky 5/6 teeth verdict is finally IN--- she has 4 Lateral Incisors and 2 first molars popping though at once. In 2 unrelated matters A. I am sure this post is riddled with typos, going on 3 hours of sleep here and B. The opening of my new layout has been pushed back a couple more days as I have more important things on my mind. Expect a lot of new pages and cute Illi Berry fun when it does though.


Think happy pain free thoughts for Illusia!!!!

Bad Days

Woke up in the middle of the night and cannot get back to sleep, have to get some of these yucky day feelings away so bare with me...Today (now yesterday) did not start out bad. We (my mother, Illusia and I) left later in the afternoon (to avoid some of the heat) for a Andover Library visit and a few minutes at the park. After we got some great books and kiddie movies checked out and Illusia crawled around the floor, played with toys and insisted on pushing her stroller around in circles for 5 minutes before getting too dizzy to walk (adorable, but odd---oh well she is my child after all) we decided to head over to the park, which was nice for the most part until the end and Illusia got to swing and play with grass for a while.

It was a hot, lazy day and we were in no hurry and with no prerogative other than to relax and enjoy being together. So, of course something went wrong. First as we were getting ready to leave we saw a man and woman running around frantically looking for their boy. I was so afraid for them and upset because the park was right by a huge lake and I knew what they were dreading. I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying because the whole time I was thinking how I would be feeling if it were my child....scary stuff!

It was okay, just as I was getting Illusia around to go help they found him! Turns out (from what I could piece together from the father's breathless pant and some other eyewitnesses) that the boy went to hide in a tree because he did not want to go home...which makes me go WTH kid!?!? You had a perfect stranger ready to have a panic attack that you were laying face down in the lake somewhere, let alone your poor parents... and secondly WHEW!!

So after a few minutes of relief, we go to the car and it wont start. Sit there for a half hour before a very nice policeman comes and gives us a jump, spends several minutes retrying and finally on the sixth try or so, works. Drive home and let it charge for an extra few minutes, just-in-case-fingers-crossed-oh-please-oh-please-please-please-be-okay and it wont start again.

Things were just starting to get better. Bills caught up, ready to decorate our new home, got a lawnmower from the nice lady at my mom's work to cut down the jungle grass in the back yard, got a little swimming pool and bathing suit for Illusia so she could splash around (that I now have to feel guilty about buying!), signed us up for a great mommy and me storybook time once a week, had (still have?), a nice van with plenty of room for her stuff and space for her to kick her legs and look out the window. A van that has run almost perfect from day one.

And I can feel it all come crumbling down, again.....

EDIT

Got the van fixed and for once it was not as bad as expected! Just  a dead battery and it did set us back a bit but not tooooo awful much. I am really happy over all that the cost was about 1/4 as much as I thought it would be and it is working great again. Thanks for the people that posted to cheer me up, it means a lot! :)

Good Things, Small Packages

After complaining on my last post about never winning anything, I forgot that I totally did win something cool a couple weeks ago from redshoearts.com and it just came in the mail yesterday. Okay, it was not $120.00 but it was still full of fun! Unfortunately, the fun that I saw in the little pink bucket was a bit harder to find than I thought...

I tried to take a good picture with Illusia as we were trying to make a little (unrealistic) construction paper and paint image of ourselves, but it just would not happen. In fact the project we were trying to do just would not happen. I tried to involve her, explaining what we were doing, having her help pick out colors, etc. However my dear, loveable daughter was intent only on throwing colored pencils on the floor, tearing up the paper I was trying to use, taking my cellphone out of my pocket and calling strange numbers, trying to steal the scissors and eat everything non-edible in sight. In other words, acting like a 1 year old.

   

When I got her something appropriate to eat (yobaby yogurt) she refused by shaking her head 'no' vigorously and doing the whine of doom. So I put it up in case she changed her mind later. Only to try our project again. When no more than 20 seconds later I noticed things being a bit too quiet and looked back to the area I put the yogurt at to see her standing on tippy toes knocking it down, and smearing it on the dresser, the walls and piling it in her mouth. I then exclaimed something like 'WHA-WHY-AHHH!!' before collecting myself.

I tried to be as calm and non-annoyed as possible while picking her up and taking her into the bathroom for a good hand and face washing (somehow she missed her clothes) but she must have sensed I was still secretly yelling 'WHA-WHY-AHHH!' inside because she started crying when I picked her up and all through her washing. :( Obviously, I am the worst mommy ever for not letting her play with scissors, tear up paper and smear yogurt on the wall. After her mini-bath, she came in and took a nap (I was then secretly singing hallelujah) and I get a little more done.

Look at that angelic face! How can I stay even slightly annoyed at her? Darn baby superpowers! The image is about half finished. I used painted, glued on coffee filter for the hair and wings, construction paper for the face & body and the extra coffee filter dabbed in paint for the dirt and what might turn out to be a tree, if I can manage to make it not look too craptastic. I might just decide to scrap it and start over----While Illusia naps, lol.

P.S. Thanks redshoearts.com, I am sure we will get a lot of use out of this :)!