Sunday, July 18, 2010

Delicate Light

I've never really liked the color yellow. It is so cheery and overwhelmingly happy looking. Like a creepy mannequin painted with a huge fake smile. Or a clown. Not like a cool really-an-evil-werewolf-pretending-to-be-a-clown clown either...more like a super hyper bozo with a high, annoying voice. That's how yellow makes me feel. Though, Illusia makes it tolerable. She makes most things tolerable.

being still, for just one moment.
I could go on and on about the ginormous ways having a child changes ones life. I am sure most parents could, but sometimes it is the little things that really gives us perspective. Life is made up of little things.

being a big girl with her rockstar straw sippy cup
It is in the way she, in the middle of playing, gets up and comes over and hugs me for no reason other than to do it. It nearly knocks me for a loop every time, makes my heart a puddle of warm goo. It is in the way she leans back against me and lets out a little sigh when I watch yet another silly cartoon with her. It is in the way she sometimes turns to me and touches my face like she is seeing it for the first time.

being full of love
And sometimes I see her like it is the first time. I forgot how gorgeous and miraculous and special she is. Then I catch a glimpse of her with the sun in her eyes, a goofy expression on her face, just being sooo her and I remember. I remember that it is not the messes, the whining, the tantrums, the refusing to nap, the being into everything all day. Those are just actions they are not her. She is so much more, she can make anything tolerable.

being her
So, like I said, it's the little things.


SQUEEE ducklings!!

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